Wandering and Wondering has always been a favorite phrase of mine for describing myself when I’m contemplating what God’s will for me is. I recently decided to try and turn it into a poem.  This has some limited relevance to my post from yesterday.  It at least colored my thinking as I thought about the phrase.  The poem implies some sort of conclusion or finish but I think thats a temporary one.  At least for now, I never see God’s vision clearly for long.  Instead I catch flashes for just long enough to know where I’m going, and trust that there is a path in front of me.  And then again its back to wandering in the darkness… With just a bit more assurance that there will be a light when I need it.  Experiential faith that there will be guidance if you will, rather than one based on something currently in front of me.

Wandering, Wondering

Wandering, wondering roaming the dark
Continuing on till late in the night
Unsure what is next I look for a spark

Complacency had found its easy mark
But then it found its unexpected fight
Wandering, wondering roaming the dark

I want to find Noah’s life saving ark
Yet I sink below the dark water’s height
Unsure what is next I look for a spark

I want God to shine throughout my life’s arc
I want to be someone who spreads his light
Wandering, wondering roaming the dark

Why do I cower when I hear sin’s bark
When I know that it can no longer bite
Unsure what is next I look for a spark

God calls me to live and soar with the lark
So I’ll worship and love with all my might
Now I wonder as I’m roaming the dark
At the power found in God’s son, my spark

Two questions that I’ve thought about later have intersected for me lately.  First, what are Christians supposed to do after we’re saved?   The generic answer to this question is, I suppose, to worship God, let him grow us and live virtuously.  This is obviously well supported scripturally and essentially correct.  But more than that, I suppose, is whats the point?  Does God want simple virtuous, worshiping robots that occasionally (or always) need a spiritual tuneup?  This doesn’t seem to ring true.  So what are we to do?  And more importantly, why are we to do it?

The second question is, if Jesus has freed me from sin and given me righteousness, why do I so often feel ashamed.  The generic answer here seems to be that Satan speaks lies to us and that can cause us to feel ashamed.  This is again probably true, but what exactly is the truth that we’re to hold on to here?  I know I have Christ’s righteousness, but that feels intangible when I screw up and am aware of my own sin again.  What truth can I speak to myself in these situations.

³His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. ⁴Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.⁵For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; ⁶and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; ⁷and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. ⁸For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. ⁹But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.

¹⁰Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, ¹¹and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

¹²So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have. ¹³I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body, ¹⁴because I know that I will soon put it aside, as our Lord Jesus Christ has made clear to me. ¹⁵And I will make every effort to see that after my departure you will always be able to remember these things.

-2 Peter 1:3-15

2 Peter 1 has some interesting answers.  It opens, after  a greeting, with an explanation of the foundational truths of Christianity.  Verses 3 & 4 say, in essence, that we have been given everything necessary for a successful life through the Gospel, which was God’s means of fulfilling his promises to us that he would allow us to be saved and to become like Him, free from sin.  This is often preached as the Christian message.  And to some extent that’s correct.  That is the foundational truth of what God has done for us.  But it doesn’t capture the whole story.  Because Peter continues on, “For this very reason, ” he says, we are to grow!  We are to add faith, and virtue, and knowledge, and most of all love.  Because he says, if these qualities are ours and increasing they keep us from becoming “ineffective or unfruitful” in living out the Gospel.  He indicates that if we’re lacking these, we’ve lost sight in some sense of who we are.  We’ve become walking contradictions.  Here he makes an interesting statement.  He says that we are to work to make our calling and election sure, so that an entrance will be richly provided for us into heaven.  This is strange, because he started with telling us that God had given everything necessary for life, but now says that we must work to be sure of our calling and election.  This is confusing until you realize he isn’t talking about salvation anymore.

¹¹Then I saw a great white throne and him who was seated on it. Earth and sky fled from his presence, and there was no place for them. ¹²And I saw the dead, great and small, standing before the throne, and books were opened. Another book was opened, which is the book of life. The dead were judged according to what they had done as recorded in the books. ¹³The sea gave up the dead that were in it, and death and Hades gave up the dead that were in them, and each person was judged according to what he had done. ¹⁴Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death. ¹⁵If anyone’s name was not found written in the book of life, he was thrown into the lake of fire.

-Revelation 20:11-15

I always get scared when Pastors start talking from Revelation.  Its probably arrogant of me, but I tend to assume that they’re not going to make any practical point from there.  Well last week I was wrong.  The pastor at the church I’m attending here in MN referenced the above passage in talking about Judgment, and made an interesting point that I knew on some level but had never really crystallized in my head.  In the passage above there are “books” and there is “the book”.  Interestingly everybody is judged from the books.  We all have our works displayed before God.  It is made clear that we all deserve death.  But then the other book is read from.  And those who have trusted Christ receive grace.  That’s the Gospel.  Ask me about it if you don’t get it.  But throughout the New Testament there seems to be a second theme.  Its a theme of reward.  Jesus told his followers to store up treasures in Heaven.  John talked about how people who love need not be afraid of judgment.  Paul called his converts “his crown”.  Finally, coming full circle, Peter talked about how those who love could make their calling and election sure, ensuring a richly provided entrance to Heaven.

We are all sinners.  Those of us who trust Christ will be saved.  So what can we accomplish after being saved?  We can LIVE.  The Bible makes it clear throughout that we are saved so we can live freely.  We are no longer stuck in complete captivity, but instead we have the capacity to grow.  We can add faith, virtue and love to our lives.  And in the end, when our sins are stripped away, when we are able to “share in God’s divine nature”, what will be left of us?  Nothing of our sinful captivity.  Only what we have built afterwards.  CS Lewis envisioned those who didn’t know Christ wasting away to nothing in Heaven because there was simply nothing left that was real in them.  When we love people and love God, we create the only part of us that will truly last.

So what are we to do after we’re saved?  We are to LOVE, as much as we can.  We are to live in such a way that there will be something left when all that is not love is stripped away.

And what truth can we say to ourselves when we feel ashamed and broken?  We can look at the love in our hearts.  And it will give us, in the words of my pastor, an “experiential confidence” something that we have done that will last, while that sin will not.  And as we grow in love, we can put the fear of judgement behind because “perfect love casts out fear”

I have an analogy I like about sin and basketball.  To exhibit our need for God to change us I’ve told people that just as I couldn’t beat Michael Jordan in basketball, I couldn’t overcome sin on my own.  And even if God simply reset the score every time, I would still be getting embarrassed consistently, the score just wouldn’t reflect it anymore.  So God needs to change me, as well as resetting the score.  He can’t just forgive my sins every time, he also has put His spirit in me to make me different than I have been.  That analogy is true and useful I think.  But there’s part of it I’ve been neglecting.  At first I probably couldn’t score on Jordan (I probably should switch this to Lebron… the MJ thing is getting a bit out of date).  But as God worked in me, I would eventually start scoring.  And as I bit by bit got better, and his score kept getting reset, I would begin to build a lead, even as I continued to struggle and fail sometimes.  And so it is with us.  God has taken away our sin, in the end it will only be our love that remains.  So as we struggle, as we fail, as we grow, and as we fail again, its worth remembering that nothing matters but faith expressing itself through love.

Some people see the truth of the brokenness of this world, and despair:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D7fv5dlozk8

Others believe in hope and a future for the world but think that we’re good enough to bring that ourselves: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6GAHFrLAxzM

Some see the way they’ve wondered from God and assume that they’re lost forever:

(technically this song isn’t completely hopeless, but it at least lacks confidence)

Others assume that they can make it to heaven on deeds or religion and understand it as a goal, but don’t really desire it because they don’t see the brokenness of the current world:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjaImNS_DSo

In a world that lacks truth, sometimes the easiest lie to buy is the one that IS the truth… but only half of it.

We are messed up broken people in a messed up broken world, but we have a perfect savior who is working to make us and our world perfect. We need all of that truth for it to be relevant.

A broken world without a savior leads to hopelessness and pain. Believing that we can acheive a perfect world on our own leads to disappointment, disillusionment, and eventually an obsessive desire to control what can’t be controlled. Seeing our sinful brokenness without realizing God’s radical love leads to depression. But seeing that God wants us without realizing our unworthiness leads to trivializing heaven and lying to ourselves (and apparently also leads to really bad country music).

We need the whole gospel, the whole truth. One of the saddest verses in the bible in my opinion is John 18:38. Pilate asks Jesus “What is truth?” before turning him back over to the Jews to be killed. Its sad because the answer to his question was standing in front of him. Colossians 1:17 says that Christ was before all things and holds all things together. So in a sense he is the definition of truth, because everything is as it is because He “holds it together”. He himself claimed to be the way, the truth, and the life. When we exchange Christ’s truth for something less than that we are not really acting upon reality, because reality is defined by the one who holds all things together.

So we need to listen to His truth, His whole truth. And He says that people are brokenly adulterous and sinful (Mark 8:38), and that without him they would not be able to save themselves. However he also said that he had come to save anyone who did believe in Him, because God loves the people of this world (John 3:16). Its at the intersection of mercy and justice, brokenness and perfection, pain and comfort, joy and sorrow, that we find the cross, Jesus’ ultimate truth. If we take any of these attributes without their accompanying pair, we’re not looking at reality, but merely wishful thinking. Its only where these things intersect that we can find Christ, and only where we find Christ that we find reality. And while its still possible to write bad country songs about the cross, it is here that people can find hope in their brokenness, meaning in their dreams, truth in their musings, and rescue in their despair. So when you see half of the gospel in our culture, make sure to remind people of the other half.

Pardon me, your epidermis is showing, sir
I couldnt help but note your shade of melanin
I tip my hat to the colorful arrangement
Cause I see the beauty in the tones of our skin

Weve gotta come together
And thank the maker of us all

I had a brief discussion with Harrison today, after listening to him have a larger one with Harward, about racial demographics in CRU, specifically the general lack of diversity within the group. Its an interesting discussion, something I’ve heard a good deal about the last year in different places. I gave Harrison some of my thoughts, but I realized that I also wanted to put them up here. The lack of diversity in CRU (and in IV, and in other groups on campus) definitely bothers me, but not necessarily because of the result as much as the cause.

A piece of canvas is only the beginning for
It takes on character with every loving stroke
This thing of beauty is the passion of an artists heart
By gods design, we are a skin kaleidoscope

Weve gotta come together,
Arent we all human after all?

As far as I can tell there are 3 main reasons why somebody would join a campus ministry as a freshman.

The first, and probably the most rare, is that after careful prayer and discernment, they believe they are being called or are best fit to serve in one particular ministry, and they go to that ministry. This certainly happens, but I would argue that it is fairly rare. Freshmen generally enter college with, at least to some extent, a consumer mindset towards Christian groups. They look to see where they can be fed, where they can make friends, where they can meet God. And there is some validity to that. Without a strong community that they can connect with, its difficult to serve or even really keep a faith that survives 4 years of college.

The second is the one that Cole spoke about last night at large group, and its what in theory CRU should be doing for incoming freshmen. Freshmen find a place where there are people who are genuinely showing them Christ’s love, inviting them in, making themselves their friends, and generally painting a picture of what God’s pursuit of us looks like. This is what as leaders we’re supposed to be doing, and hopefully what we are passionate and excited about doing.

The third, and I’m afraid the most common, is that freshmen find a place where they’re comfortable. They find a ministry where people share their beliefs, listen to the music that they listen to, talk the way they talk, make the same jokes that they make. And often the place they’re most comfortable is the place where their skin color matches the general background.

Ignorance has wronged some races
And vengeance is the lords
If we aspire to share this space
Repentance is the cure

What I would argue is that when we look around CRU and see a disproportionate majority of white people, or when you go to IV and see a disproportionate amount of asian people, or when you go to any other ministry and diversity is most prominently displayed on the brochure for the group and least prominently displayed in their actual makeup, is that it should break our hearts. But not because their are a few less people around of one kind or another. Diversity certainly has value, but it at best can be a distraction from Christ if it becomes a main goal and at worst can become an organizational idol, or cause people to get too focused on skin color and not enough on heart content. No the reason it should break our hearts is because the lack of diversity reflects a lack of love.

If a group lacks diversity, its a strong indictation that people have been choosing to attend it because of the 3rd reason listed above, and not for reasons 1 or 2. The members of the group have not truly been reflecting Christ’s love to people in a way that is radically attractive and causes barriers to be crossed. There have not been the types of moments where a freshman says “well the music and such over there is great, and they look like me… but these people are just crazy the way they love and pursue me.”

Note that I’m not accusing anyone of racism. I’m not saying people are loving those of their own skin color and not loving those of others. This may be happening, but I have no clue if it is and am certainly not suggesting it. It doesn’t take racism to sustain a disproportionately racially distributed community. If we’re merely friendly to everybody, then those who are comfortable with us will probably stay, and those who are not will probably go. We may even grow in numbers, although it will probably be more at the discretion of Duke’s admissions department than anything else. But if we choose to be radically loving to everybody, we will grow. And the growth will not be limited by race, or gender, or even religion. Radical love brings people to itself.

We’re colored people, and we live in a tainted place
We’re colored people, and they call us the human race
W’eve got a history so full of mistakes
And we are colored people who depend on a holy grace

I want to make it clear that this isn’t meant as a judgement of CRU or IV or anybody in particular. As I write this I am looking squarely at myself in the mirror. I’ve been through 4 frosh orientations now, 1 as a freshman, 3 as a leader in CRU. I have not always or even usually reached out to freshmen in love. I’m good with friendliness, but love takes something more, and I must confess that I usually come up short. So please don’t take this as a judgement, take it as a challenge instead. CRU leaders? Lets step up and love people. Change some lives and put Christ on display. I’ve always been told that diversity in Christian community truly glorifies God. And the reason for that is because true diversity in a group only happens when its a group thats filled with Christ’s love, a power that has no equal in this world. Freshmen? If any of you are reading this, I challenge you not to go to the place thats comfortable but to ask God where He would have you. Where can you serve? What can you do for Him on this campus.

God created a beautiful array of colors for people to wear on their skins. He created a beautiful array of mindsets for people to live their lives with. He created a beautiful array of skills for people to glorify Him with. The only way they all work together is when they are united by His love. Lets show the world what that looks like.

¹ Vindicate me, O God, and defend my cause
against an ungodly people,
from the deceitful and unjust man
deliver me!
²For you are the God in whom I take refuge;
why have you rejected me?
Why do I go about mourning
because of the oppression of the enemy?

³ Send out your light and your truth;
let them lead me;
let them bring me to your holy hill
and to your dwelling!
⁴Then I will go to the altar of God,
to God my exceeding joy,
and I will praise you with the lyre,
O God, my God.

⁵ Why are you cast down, O my soul,

and why are you in turmoil within me?

Hope in God; for I shall again praise him,
my salvation and my God.

Psalm 43

So a little ways back I was introduced to the concept of preaching the gospel to myself.  I’m not totally sure where I heard the idea first, may have been bible study, summer project, or at Summit.  But in any case I was told basically that it was important to be constantly reminding ourselves of the truth of the Gospel.  I was reminded of that today while reading Psalm 43.

All of the time in this life
Can’t loose the ties that bind
They shackle our feet, we trip, we fall
We crawl
I was born in the mess of it all

-Newsboys (Rescue)

Here is a perfect example both of how we should preach the gospel to ourselves, and why it is important to do so.  The Psalmist here starts off on a note that doesn’t quite ring true with the gospel.  He is calling for personal vindication, asking God to defend his cause, rather than seeking to align himself with God’s cause.   He feels rejected by God and mourns the way that his enemy appears to have won.  Basically he appears to have come to a place of despair, with the root problems being a focus on his own ends, rather than God’s plans, and a lack of focus on God’s goodness and sovereignty.  That is the state of  things in verses 1 & 2.

Father empty and break him
I pray you’ll just have your way with him,
cuz there’s a change in him and the effects are strong,
I pray you open up his heart before the next song
and when he gets home, I pray he’ll open up
the sixty-six book love letter you wroteand soak it up
cuz he ain’t hearin’ You and he ain’t feelin’ me
and God I know it’s killin’ You because it’s killin’ me
and matter of fact there’s somethin’ else he’s concealin’ see,
the person that I’ve been prayin’ about is really me…

-Lecrae (Prayin For You)

In verses 3&4 we see a change.  Here he stops and prays to God, not for his own ends, but for God’s light and truth.  And declares that if he receives those, he will be able to once again go to the altar of God and praise him with joy.  I think this part is quite important.  As fallen beings, its easy to get tunnel vision with our circumstances, and lose sight of the gospel.  But if we pray to God that he would display his light and truth in our lives, that is a prayer that I believe He is always quick and pleased to answer.   God wants us to see the world with his light, from his perspective.  He delights to bring light into darkness, truth into confusion, and hope into hopelessness.

But the voice of truth tells me a different story…

-Casting Crowns (Voice of Truth)

And hope is what the Psalmist is granted here.  The effect is immediate in verse 5.  He has become aware of his despair, and sees that it is wrong.  Despair is, in the words of Paul, “out of step with the Gospel.”  And so the Psalmist begins to preach the gospel to himself.  “Why are you cast down my soul?”  Why are you depressed?  Why have you given up?  Why are you bitter and frustrated?  Its all the same question in the end.  And all of the questions have the same answer.  “Hope in the Lord for I shall again praise Him, my salvation and my God.”  We need to be reminded again and again, that Christ has saved us, that he is our salvation, and that he reigns in power, that He is our God, and thus is in control of circumstances.  And when we remember that, we can once again turn to praise Him, with joy and hope in our hearts.

⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, ⁴⁵ so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. ⁴⁶ For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? ⁴⁷And if you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? ⁴⁸ You therefore must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect.

Matthew 5:43-48

I’ve been reading through The Cost of Discipleship by Dietrich Bonhoeffer the last few weeks.  I was attempting to finish it before school starts but it appears I may fail in that quest because its a book that I feel needs to be savored and thought about, rather than devoured all at once.   But a phrase that struck me from the book, one of several that Bonhoeffer uses to describe what Christians are supposed to be like is “the Extraordinary.”  His claim is basically that Christians are supposed to be in some sense, extraordinary, completely markedly different from the rest of the world.  He bases this off the above passage in the sermon on the mount where it says that we should love our enemies.  The “what more” are you doing for others can be translated, what are you doing extraordinarily.  Basically Jesus is calling his disciples not merely to live morally (and he is calling them to that, he has not abolished the law but fulfilled it), but to go beyond it, to go to a place that makes no sense to go to unless compelled by the call of Christ and a radically different view on the world than any non-Christian holds.  I’ve been really convicted by the lack of this “extraordinary” quality in my life over the past few weeks, specifically in 3 areas.  (and if this seems to relate strikingly well to Summit’s recent sermon series, well there’s probably a reason for that).

As the heavens are caving in
Mysterious ways
Why God gave his life
To put motion inside my soul

It’s bigger than cold religion
It’s bigger than life

Love is the movement
Love is a revolution
This is redemption
We don’t have to slow back down

(Switchfoot-Love Is The Movement)

The first area that I’ve been really convicted in is the area that inspired Bonhoeffer to consider the concept of the Extraordinary to begin with.  Quite simply I’ve seen that I don’t love people anywhere near as much as God does.  I allow my pride and selfishness to come between myself and others.  Two sentences in particular from Bonhoeffer was quite convicting.  “In the New Testament our  enemies are  those who harbour hostility against us, not those against whom we cherish hostility because Jesus refuses to reckon with such a possibility… By our enemies Jesus means those who are quite intractable and utterly unresponsive to our love, who forgive us nothing when we forgive them all, who requite our love with hatred and our service with derision….“  We are not even to hold feelings of hostility against others, and go beyond that to loving those who hold hostility against us.  It is deeply convicting how deeply I fall short of the first standard, without even considering the second one.  What would life look like if I truly saw my worth and hope as Christ alone, and was therefore able to let my foolish pride and anger drop aside, and instead attempt to love everybody, even those who didn’t return that love?  It is when I begin to ask these questions that I start to understand why the Gospel doesn’t always have the same power in my life that Christ promised.  It is quite simply because the life I live is only a shadow of the Gospel, that I have not really allowed myself to be redeemed, but that I am still grasping and holding on to my unredeemed life.

When success is equated with excess
When we’re fighting for the Beamer, the Lexus
As the heart and soul breath in the company goals
Where success is equated with excess

‘Cause baby’s always talkin’ ’bout a ring
And talk has always been the cheapest thing
Is it true would you do what I want you to
If I show up with the right amount of bling?

Like a puppet on a monetary string
Maybe we’ve been caught singing
Red, white, blue, and green
But that ain’t my America,
That ain’t my American dream

(Switchfoot- American Dream)

The second area where I’ve realized that my life has conformed to the world rather than setting a standard of the extraordinary is in generosity.  For quite some time I’ve held it as a goal that whatever job I end up with, I will live beneath my means and be generous with my money.  I’ve always viewed myself as somebody who is generous with my time.  I’ve been challenged in both of these areas over the past couple weeks.  The first challenge came with money.  JD preached a sermon a few weeks back at Summit about discerning the will of God in our life.  It was a fantastic sermon, with several good points, but the main conviction for me was a single line that he borrowed from Andy Stanley.  “Direction, not Intention, determines Destination.”  In other words, the way that we are living our life, and not our goals for the future, is the best indicator of where we will end up in the future.   For me this was especially convicting in the area of generosity with money.  I’ve said that I want to live below my means later on in life, to make hard choices in order to give to God and help those in need…  But I’m not willing to make choices like that now.  I’m living exactly within my means during college, spending the money I have, saving a little, giving a little, and generally acting like pretty much any other college student would in my situation.  There is nothing extraordinary here, nothing to show that my treasure is in Christ.  In fact it appears that for now at least, my treasure is in money and the things that it can purchase.   And that has been convicting.  I wonder if in the words of John Piper, I can be humble enough to stop being anxious about the future, and give to God with confidence in the daily provision that he gives all of his creatures.

If we’re adding to the noise
If we’re adding to the noise
If we’re adding to the noise
turn off this song.

(Switchfoot-Adding To The Noise)

JD gave another quite convicting sermon this past weekend, and it gave me a 3rd piece of the Extraordinary Life that is not present in my life, and if I may give others food for thought, generally not present in any of the Christian circles I’ve been around at Duke (CRU/IV/etc).   Specifically I’m talking about gossip, a word that JD defined more broadly than I’d heard in the past.  I’m going to go with his definition, which is basically speaking negatively about any person to any other person.  JD argued, convincingly, that there is almost never any time when that is truly necessary.  Its not necessary for prayer requests (you can pray for them yourself, or ask for others to pray for the sin in your heart that causes you anger against them), its not necessary in most cases to deal with a situation because the first step in general should be you speaking directly with the person who has wronged you (I do think that there are cases where its best to talk to a trusted advisor about the situation, but this can easily be abused.  I’ve seen myself and others talk to a BUNCH of “advisors” about a situation and then not really do anything about the situation, satisfied in the end by getting to tell others about the wrong done against them.).  It is not necessary in order to vent or process a situation, because we are called to Love unconditionally and find our hope in Christ, which means sharing in His suffering.

Is this all realistic?  Probably not right away.  I’m not able to truly love the way this requires, and I don’t rely on Christ the way I’d need to for this to be real in my life.  But imagine if I simply cut down my negative speaking towards others to the situations that truly needed advice, or were truly impossible to sort through without complete trust on Christ.  Even this pathetic compromise would set a radical extraordinary standard.  What if CRU was like that throughout.   How different would our community be if all negative speech behind others backs was cut off.  What if discussion of somebody’s failings was only done in grace, to somebody’s face?  What if the only things said about people behind their backs were true and encouraging things?  I can’t imagine how different CRU would look.  THAT I think would be Extraordinary.  And if it was done as a true obedient response to Christ, rather than a self-righteous attempt to be good…maybe just a little bit of the true Gospel, the one that changes lives and acts with power…. maybe that Gospel would shine through to Duke’s campus and do craaazy things.

Hast thou no scar?
No hidden scar on foot, or side, or hand?
I hear thee sung as mighty in the land;
I hear them hail thy bright, ascendant star.
Hast thou no scar?

I’ve been spending a lot of time reading about and discussing the concept of suffering as a Christian lately. Its a thoroughly interesting point to me because of the complete divergence Christianity has from mainstream American culture on this point. We live in a culture that values comfort above all else. We make decisions that will lead to a secure future. Even those who don’t value the American dream still may shrink from putting themselves in positions where they’re genuinely uncomfortable. We don’t like doing things that lead to rejection by people, to not having the things we desire or feel that we need. Certainly we avoid physical pain. And our culture approves and makes these impulses seem natural and easy. It upholds wealth, popularity, good jobs, good neighborhoods, education, and good friends as our trusts and security, the things that will keep us safe and happy. It upholds sports, technology, vacations, wives/husbands/friends/family, good food, luxury and excess as our treasures, the things to be desired and sought after.
Yet the Bible says that we are to deny ourselves and take up our crosses. (Mark 8:34), it says that we must give up family and friends (Luke 14:25), and that we must give up our riches (Mark 10:21). It says effectively that Jesus is meant to be our trust and treasure. And it points us to a road that leads to suffering. As Dietrich Bonhoeffer put it in his book “The Cost of Discipleship” When Christ calls a man, he calls him to come and die. So when Christians are seen as “mighty in the land”, “bright, ascendant stars,” it is difficult to see how they’re emulating their LORD the one who came and died.

Hast thou no wound?
Yet I was wounded by the archers; spent,
Leaned Me against a tree to die; and rent
By ravening beasts that compassed Me, I swooned.
Hast thou no wound?

Like I said I’ve learned a lot about suffering the past few weeks, listening to sermons, reading First Peter and reading the Cost of Discipleship. I just wanted to go through a few of the coolest things I learned.  I think first of all I’ve seen that suffering for a Christian occurs because it is necessary.  1 Peter 1:6 says  “In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials,…”  In context its showing that God only allows us to be “grived by various trials” when it is necessary.  There is no wasted suffering.  In some cases we may see why that is the case, in others we don’t.   But the ultimate reason is always the same…

1 Peter 1 continues, and as it does so it shows the answer to why suffering is necessary. 1 Peter 1:7 says “⁷so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire-may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. ^” So this first answers the question of what suffering accomplishes and then answers the question of why it occurs.  Specifically suffering is used to refile our faith, to strip away everything but that which is true and genuine, and to in doing so prove its truth and genuineness.  For God does not test us to see if we’ll fail, and certainly not to cause us to fail.  Rather he tests us to show that we will in fact succeed.  He puts us through the flame so that the part of us which is truly good, genuine, and whole will shine on the surface.    And the reason for this refining, we are shown is to bring praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.  So basically we suffer so that we can have a refined faith, not for the sake of having a refined faith, but that we might bring glory to God through that.

No wound? No scar?
Yet, as the Master shall the servant be,
And piercèd are the feet that follow Me.
But thine are whole; can he have followed far
Who hast no wound or scar?

How does that happen?  A few ways leap to mind.  First of all, in choosing to honor God in our suffering (for that choice must be made for the faith to be refined) we are showing the world that we value God more than the temporary comfort that this world can provide.  Second, in having a faith that is tested and true, we are able to be confident and bold, proclaiming with true knowledge and experience that God is our rock and our salvation.  And finally in partaking in suffering, if it is for the sake of Christ, we are partaking in Christ’s sufferings, and in doing so we first show the world who Christ is, and secondly show the joy he brings.  For 1 Peter 4:13 says that we should rejoice to the extent that we partake in the sufferings of Christ.  Therefore the more we do this, the more we can show the world Christ’s joy… and show them how different Christ is from culture.

Finally, what does it mean if we don’t see this type of suffering in our lives.  I’m a student at Duke University, one of the top colleges in the world.  My parents are relatively well off, I live in a country that was built on religious freedom and freedom of speech, and even if I didn’t I’m a member of the most common religion and race.  American Protestantism is an accepted part of our culture.  To find suffering for Christ in America one must go look for it.  And yet…. that is what we are called to.  We are called to be Christ’s witnesses, to proclaim His truth, and to give generously.  If we are popular, could it be because we’re not proclaiming Christ to those who might not want to hear it?  If we are wealthy, could it be because we do not choose to use our money to bring Christ glory?  If we are comfortable and see no problems, could it be because we are not listening to His call to care for the poor and downtrodden and instead have isolated ourselves from Him?    These questions are as convicting to me as I hope they are to you.  Because you see, in America, avoiding suffering does not require us to deny Jesus’ name in front of a loaded gun.  It does not require us to renounce Him, and even allows us to go to Church and read our bibles and listen to sermons and meet.  It only requires to neglect Jesus’ call of radical love.  To daily sacrifice truly loving others, and instead worry about being “spiritually fed” or building our relationship with God.  We become masters of theology… and yet we are comfortable.  I’m scared for myself, I see the same influences in me that I talk about here.  And it scares me.  I pray that it will not consume me, that I will not allow myself to slide down the broad and easy path of daily compromise, giving up truly loving and glorifying God with my life  and instead loving and glorifying Him with my mouth alone.

<thanks for JD Greear for the poem:  www.jdgreear.com>

]]> http://benmccormick.wordpress.com/2009/08/07/suffering-as-a-christian/feed/ 0 shadowfax336 http://benmccormick.wordpress.com/2009/08/07/superman-redeemed/ http://benmccormick.wordpress.com/2009/08/07/superman-redeemed/#comments Fri, 07 Aug 2009 02:46:00 +0000 Ben http://benmccormick.wordpress.com/2009/08/07/superman-redeemed/ ]]> [Reposted from Facebook (September 10th, 2009)]

So I’ve been feeling extremely inadequate over the last 2 weeks, feeling basically like I can’t live up to who I’m supposed to be and what I’m supposed to be doing. Its a feeling echoed in the song Superman by Five For Fighting, one of my favorite songs ever because of the way it deeply echoes the truth of our inadequacy and yet the great things that we know we were made for. It talks from Superman’s perspective of a deep uncertainty, of dreams of greatness and acknowledgment of weakness. I always have thought it was a perfect picture of who we are as humans, bruised and broken masterpieces, created for a great destiny, but unable to accomplish it by our own strength.
This summer I took the liberty of rewriting the lyrics. You can find the original song here and my lyrics follow.

Superman Redeemed

I can’t stand to fly
Have no strength to leave
But now I see why
I’m left here all empty

I’m less than you heard
I’m less than I claim
I’m not worthy of
a hero’s name
‘cuz its not easy to be…free

I begin to cry
Fall upon my knees
will no longer try
to wear this old red sheet

It may sound absurd
But don’t be naive
You know we all deserve to pay and bleed
If you haven’t heard
I want you to see
his blood has paid for you and me
‘cuz its not easy to be… free

ooooooh he won’t turn away from me
so its alright
I can now sleep sound at night
I will follow my savior king

I know I can’t fly
No longer feel the need
Life wasn’t meant to ride
on us filling our own needs

I’m only a man
and though I can’t see
I’m protected here
on this narrow street

He was more than a man
on Jerusalem’s streets
He came and he took this cape
right off of me, right off of me

More than a man
on Jerusalem’s streets
more than a man
on those wooden beams

he came and he died
so I could be free
‘cuz its not easy
its not easy… to be…free

1.Identify Anger

The first thing for me personally is to identify anger in my heart. I don’ like that particular word very much. I like to think of myself as somebody who doesn’t have much of a temper, and while I do think its true that anger is not a characteristic struggle of mine, a lot of that is surface veneer. I get angry. I just label it with words like frustration, or annoyance, or desire for fairness. I get angry in basketball, when I play with players who don’t pass or play in a lazy manner. I call that competitiveness. I get angry when people don’t live up to my standards for competence in work and it effects me. I call that frustration. I get angry when life doesn’t work the way I expect and I can’t do everything I want to do. I call that annoyance or exasperation. I get angry when somebody treats me in a way I don’t like. I call that hurt. So for me the first issue is to identify anger for what it is. Because anger is important. It means something and its frowned upon by God. “Be slow to anger, for the anger of man does not work the righteousness of God.” (James 1:19-20). When I’m angry I’m probably not working towards the righteousness I’ve been called to.

2. Identify Sin

Here is where Piper’s article comes in. He says that the only way to be angry and not sin is when I am angry at somebody else’s sin. And that anger should be completely mixed with mourning and sadness. There should be love for the person, and hurting/sadness that they are mixed in with the evil that they have committed. The anger should not be waiting to consume this person, but it should be anger that the person has been corrupted by sin, and there should be an incredible love and desire to see them redeemed that accompanies the anger.
The interesting thing I realized from this article was that anger ALWAYS signals that sin is present. The question is not whether there is sin but rather what the sin is. Am I truly angry about sin in another person? Maybe yes, maybe no. I might nominally be angry at that, but then I must ask if I’m loving them as well, whether I MOURN for their sin. If not, then the sin is probably on my side. If I’m overly competitive playing basketball, my sin is a prideful lack of gratitude, believing that I have a right to play basketball the way I want to, that I have a right to a well played game where I get to shoot. If my anger is against somebody who has treated me in a way I don’t like, my sin is pride, an unwillingness to share in Christ’s sufferings and a belief that I’m righteous and in some way deserve good treatment. I lack love. If my anger is against somebody who has been incompetent, or a circumstance that blocks my path, my sin could be idolizing success, believing that my success or failure is more important than that other person, who is a child or potential child of God, created in his image. In the end, ANGER ALWAYS MEANS SIN IS present. So when you feel anger, stop and identify the sin causing the anger, making sure that if you believe it to be in the other person, you are truly MOURNFUL, and that your sin is not compounding the situation.

3. Confess and Love

If it is your sin that is causing anger, confess it to God and the person who you have sinned against. The bible says to not let the sun set on your anger (Ephesians 4:26). Interestingly it says that not doing so “gives an opportunity to the devil.” When we dwell on anger it allows the sin within us to grow and take root. When we see sin, we need to confess it. And once we have confessed, the next step is love. What truly removes anger is Love. If our anger was directed at another person then we can apologize to that person and really consider how to love them. If our anger was directed at God or circumstances, then we can reflect on how we can love God, but even more so on how HE loves US. Because in the end, anger comes down to a lack of appreciation for how much God has given us. Gratitude wipes out anger, because anger occurs when we feel that things are not as they should be. When we view the whole world as a gift, we no longer can have expectations but instead may take joy in whatever good the Father gives us.
If it is another’s sin that is truly causing us anger then we may focus on loving them even more. Sometimes love means confronting, sometimes it means that we must cover their sins with our love (1 Peter 4:8). But ultimately we must remember that God’s justice, not ours is what will face these people. In the end everybody will face either God’s righteous judgement at the end, or His limitless Grace at the cross. And we can be content with that, because we remember that we have received forgiveness beyond imagination, and any debt owed to us by another pales in comparison to the debt we owe God. God does not approve of vigilante justice, either in our hearts or our actions. He will judge, and he will do so righteously, yet also mercifully. It is the paradox of the cross, and because we owe Him everything, we have no right to place our judgement first. So instead we may love, showing the grace that He has given us to those who wrong us, and bringing Him glory in the process. For that is what will stop the cycle of anger. Love is not easily angered, and keeps no record of wrongs. (1 Cor 13:5)

I’d encourage people to keep these 3 steps in mind. When you sense frustration, annoyance or anger in your heart, stop and practice these 3 steps. Identify it as anger, find the sin that is present, then confess if necessary and LOVE the other person as you have been loved.

¹ Blessed is the one whose transgression is forgiven,
whose sin is covered.
²Blessed is the man against whom the LORD counts no iniquity,
and in whose spirit there is no deceit.

My first thought here is how precious David views forgiveness as being. It is a blessing, something to be coveted and rejoiced over. I think its easy in church to move beyond that joy. We think “yeah our sins are forgiven” and want to move on to “deeper things.” Specifically if I may call out my fellow Dukies, our intellectual side I think sometimes causes us to overthink things and instead of rejoicing in what is truly amazing, we take it for granted and shove it aside, looking for something more profound. But seriously, “BLESSED is the one whose sin is covered!” As Christians that means we’re all blessed, and it should I think be a little sad that we forget that so easily.
The end of verse 2 confused me a bit, because I didn’t quite understand how deceit fits in with having no iniquity (beyond the obvious fact that its a type of iniquity). But its leading into the next section

³For when I kept silent, my bones wasted away
through my groaning all day long.
⁴For day and night your hand was heavy upon me;
my strength was dried up as by the heat of summer.

So by deceit David’s specifically talking about trying to hide sin from God. And this creates pain, struggle, and weakness. Taking a step back here, if you think about it, hiding stuff from God is silly and ineffective. He knows stuff. He knows David’s sin and he knows ours. So why does David try to hide sin from God? Because if he’s at all honest with himself, he knows he can’t hide it from God. So why does he hide it. He must actually be lying to himself. (Because being honest with yourself about sin but then lying to God really just shows a lack of understanding of God’s knowledge). And why is David lying to himself? There are lots of possible reasons for that, but they basically boil down to pride. David wants to view himself as righteous. So he is in a state of false righteousness. Its interesting that false righteousness then creates pain, weakness, and struggle. Why is that exactly? I think its because when he made the statement to himself and God that he was righteous, he was in effect declaring his independence from God and ability to live life on his own. (I’m not totally sure that follows logically, but certainly he is telling God in one area that He is not needed when He in fact is, indicating a self sufficient pride that would most likely not just be isolated to one area) So he is left to face life on his own strength, and he finds that just like his righteousness, its is not whole or complete.

⁵I acknowledged my sin to you,
and I did not cover my iniquity;
I said, “I will confess my transgressions to the LORD,”
and you forgave the iniquity of my sin.

My only thought here is that those who cannot reconcile the “Angry” God of the Old Testament with the “loving forgiving” God of the New Testament should read this passage. Here too we see a God who delights to forgive, who wishes to love and be close to His creation. I’ve heard people talk about how healing/loving/forgiving was almost a reflex for Jesus. That attitude is present here. When David is honest with God, forgiveness comes. And thus David is once again BLESSED.

⁶Therefore let everyone who is godly
offer prayer to you at a time when you may be found;
surely in the rush of great waters,
they shall not reach him.
⁷You are a hiding place for me;
you preserve me from trouble;
you surround me with shouts of deliverance.

Interesting. I have no clue what the rush of great waters refers to. I can make a few guesses (death, when other desires and obsessions in life drown out a passion for God), but I think its generally not necessary to understand that to learn here. What is more interesting is the idea that we should pray to God NOW. For those who have not yet acknowledged Christ this is a call of urgency, a reminder that they are making a decision right now to not acknowledge and confess their sins before God, allowing pride or disbelief to keep them from being among the blessed forgiven. For Christians its a call to stop lying to themselves and God before its too late. We’re not righteous. We’re bruised and broken masterpieces, painted by God. We’re not sufficient standing on our own, and attempting to do so will break us. So we need to confess before its too late.

And when we do, we become blessed. We have God not just as a friend, but as a fortress protecting us and delivering us. The New Testament shows us that this may not be seen in a worldly sense. We shall still have problems, trials, and suffering. In fact we will probably have more than we would otherwise (I would say that we SHOULD have more than otherwise). But we shall also have JOY. We are protected and delivered, not from suffering, but from despair. Not from pain, but from sin and addiction. Not from physical death, but from spiritual death. We will know God, and we will be BLESSED.

⁸I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will counsel you with my eye upon you.
⁹Be not like a horse or a mule, without understanding,
which must be curbed with^S)”> bit and bridle,
or it will not stay near you.

I like this image. I think a lot of time as Christians we’re like a mule with bit and bridle, chained to God by “rules”. Those of the Bible, those of Christian culture, or those of our own conscience. We weren’t meant to be chained to God, led kicking and screaming to our destination. We’re supposed to cling to God, joyfully honest and humble in our need for Him, living as one who is BLESSED by his burden, a burden that Jesus says is easy and light.

¹⁰Many are the sorrows of the wicked,
but steadfast love surrounds the one who trusts in the LORD.
¹¹Be glad in the LORD, and rejoice, O righteous,
and shout for joy, all you upright in heart!

And here is the conclusion. Somebody who trusts in the Lord, clinging to Him openly and honestly, not embracing false righteousness or wickedness, but honestly accepting His forgiveness, can have JOY. They can rejoice because they have the love of their God, and are not burdened down by the weight of false righteousness or the sorrows of the wicked. Instead they have the protection of God and can now rejoice!